Suffering in Silence How Parents Can Help Children Open Up About Bullying

Bullying can have a long-lasting impact on the target being bullied, says Gary Dick, UC associate professor of social work. The effects of this torture on the playground or by the high school lockers, he says, can follow children well into their adult years and relationships.

In examining national research pertaining to bullying and in his counsel of victims of bullying, Dick characterizes bullies as

• Having a need for power and control
• Gaining satisfaction from the pain and suffering of others
• Enjoying inflicting injury on others and showing little empathy
• Defending their actions when caught, and blaming the victim

Victims can turn into bullies themselves, Dick says, in frustration over the attacks on them. The devastating effects can cause anxiety, low self-esteem, depression (including suicide ideation), physical ailments and lower performance at school. Yet, in studying the research on bullied children, Dick says an overwhelming majority of these children fail to report the bullying to their parent or teacher.

“Boys tend to bully more often by physical intimidation and aggression, whereas girls tend to bully by gossip and rumors,” Dick says. “More recently, one would have to question whether sex-texting is a way to bully or shame another person.”

For parents who suspect their child is the target of a bully, Dick says parents should start talking with their child, teachers and school administrators to see if they’re aware of bullying and how the problem is being addressed.

“Parents need to educate their children about what defines bullying and bring up the discussion in an open and frank manner. They also need to set clear standards about acceptable behavior, and emphasize with their own children that intimidation and generating fear are off limits for solving problems,” says Dick.

Unfortunately, bullying is not just an issue for children and adolescents. National reports have cited incidences of bullying growing in the workplace and several state legislatures have introduced bills aimed at curbing the problem. It’s an issue that Dick examines in the classroom when he teaches a course on emotional abuse.

In the aftermath of the Columbine tragedy, there were reports that “Trench Coat Mafia” gunmen Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were taking revenge, after the two described misfits were routinely bullied at school. More recent books emerging around the tenth anniversary of the tragedy focus less on bullying and more on the mental state of the gunmen, describing Eric Harris as a psychopath.

Columbine Tragedy Impact Still Strong 10 Years Later